She got a phone call from her future self. “Don’t do it.”

Then a phone call from her past self. “Do it”. 

Who should she believe? 

Her friends were also saying “don’t do it”. 

The problem was, she really wanted to do it.

So she did it. And it was a complete disaster. 



Jan’s new year’s resolution was to stop taking the wrong train by mistake.

She put in the effort, and succeeded, and her whole life changed. 

At first she worried that she might miss that sweet feeling of a train being so wrong it felt right. 

But in fact, the right train, at the right time, to the right destination felt like a kind of bliss. Why had no one ever told her about this? 



Yesterday I discovered the strangest thing: that my scars are a treasure map. 

So I spent all day following the instructions. 

When I eventually found the spot there was a freshly dug hole and an empty treasure chest.

Someone beat me to it. I think it was my ex.



They were termites with tiny lifespans. Like mayflies, but without the poetry. He proposed to her in a parking lot, and “their song” – the one they danced and cried to – was a radio #jingle. They lived a day so they didn’t know anything else, and it all meant so much.



When asked the secret to his lively abstract work, the artist replied: "I drink paint then vomit onto the canvas".

The public enjoyed his laconic wit and sales doubled.

When a leaked video revealed he meant it, sales quadrupled. 

And when he died young, they rocketed. 



I watch my contemporaries chase young starlets, beguiled by a vulpine narcissism essential to surviving this industry. Fred and Dan will play one of two roles: vampire or fool.

And I watch you, my silver vixen, as you see right through them and right through me.